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 Tell us a joke

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oldwingguy
Michel Vachon
Cosmic_Jumper
Davetech
VictorLouis
Mech 1 twa
Mike from NS
Dale N.
JamieB
Loosemarbles
sonuvabug
15 posters
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AuthorMessage
Davetech
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider
Davetech

Number of posts : 67
Age : 52
Location : Wiltshire, UK
Points : 547
Registration date : 2020-07-08

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Jul 20, 2021 5:52 am

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Captur31

For those on the other side of the pond who don't know the political layout.
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oldwingguy
Silver Wing Guru
Silver Wing Guru


Number of posts : 1893
Location : Hocking Hills U.S.A.
Points : 4195
Registration date : 2016-01-29

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Jul 20, 2021 8:09 am

LOL, now do one for US on this side, good luck with that.
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Dale N.
Site Admin
Dale N.

Number of posts : 1770
Age : 75
Location : Princeton, MN
Points : 4708
Registration date : 2014-02-13

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeFri Jul 30, 2021 11:48 pm

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Mom_te10
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HayvenMoses
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 8
Location : Tacoma WA
Points : 390
Registration date : 2020-10-14

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat Jul 31, 2021 6:57 am

Why do women wear make up and perfume?
Because they're Ugly and they Stink..........Whats funny is I was banned from using Facebook for 7 days for telling that joke,Now thats funny.
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Cosmic_Jumper
Site Admin
Cosmic_Jumper

Number of posts : 3916
Age : 78
Location : damn near Philadelphia, PA
Points : 9064
Registration date : 2009-06-12

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat Jul 31, 2021 8:20 am

HayvenMoses wrote:
Why do women wear make up and perfume? …

Sounds pretty childish to me. 

You only get one chance to make a first impression.

Maybe Face Book had a point there.
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Loosemarbles
Silver Wing Expert
Silver Wing Expert
Loosemarbles

Number of posts : 760
Location : South East England
Points : 2694
Registration date : 2016-10-01

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat Jul 31, 2021 12:40 pm

Lookout oldwingguy, you may have set us old Limeys a challenge study
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Loosemarbles
Silver Wing Expert
Silver Wing Expert
Loosemarbles

Number of posts : 760
Location : South East England
Points : 2694
Registration date : 2016-10-01

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat Jul 31, 2021 1:07 pm

Darn it! I've just done a 'close-up' on the map. Yikes, I didn't realise I was in a French-speaking county and our in-laws live in Belgium. Who'd have believed it?
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Dale N.
Site Admin
Dale N.

Number of posts : 1770
Age : 75
Location : Princeton, MN
Points : 4708
Registration date : 2014-02-13

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSun Aug 01, 2021 12:18 am

I'll go along with Tim on this one for sure.
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Dale N.
Site Admin
Dale N.

Number of posts : 1770
Age : 75
Location : Princeton, MN
Points : 4708
Registration date : 2014-02-13

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Aug 03, 2021 2:21 pm

This one stinks!!

Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.
He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says,
“Why don’t you go ask the young’n down the road? He must be smart ’cause he’s a college gradjyate.”
So Pa drives down to the neighbor’s house and asks him,
“Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don’t know what to do to empty it.”
The young’n tells him,
“Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it’s in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole.”
Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
He goes home and puts them under the outhouse.
He then lights them and runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite, shooting the outhouse into the air.
BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite, spreading poop all over the farm.
Then, WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.
Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks,
“Ma, are you all right?”
As she pulls up her panties she says,
“Yeah, but I’m sure glad I didn’t fart in the kitchen!”
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Davetech
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider
Davetech

Number of posts : 67
Age : 52
Location : Wiltshire, UK
Points : 547
Registration date : 2020-07-08

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 04, 2021 8:47 am

Love this Japanese Doctor!:

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: 'Round' is shape!
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Davetech
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider
Davetech

Number of posts : 67
Age : 52
Location : Wiltshire, UK
Points : 547
Registration date : 2020-07-08

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 04, 2021 8:48 am

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
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Davetech
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider
Davetech

Number of posts : 67
Age : 52
Location : Wiltshire, UK
Points : 547
Registration date : 2020-07-08

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 04, 2021 8:50 am

"It's a boy!" I shouted, tears rolling down my face. "I don't believe it. A boy!"

It was at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again.
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Dale N.
Site Admin
Dale N.

Number of posts : 1770
Age : 75
Location : Princeton, MN
Points : 4708
Registration date : 2014-02-13

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 04, 2021 11:45 pm

It took me a couple of seconds but I finally got it Davetech!! The Thailand one.
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rustysdream
Maxi-Scooter Rider
Maxi-Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 117
Location : Ontario, Canada
Points : 736
Registration date : 2020-02-26

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSun Aug 08, 2021 12:25 am

Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Davetech
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider
Davetech

Number of posts : 67
Age : 52
Location : Wiltshire, UK
Points : 547
Registration date : 2020-07-08

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 25, 2021 6:28 am

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news - the donkey's died.'

Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that - I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'

Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'

Paddy said, 'Sure I can - watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked,
'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Paddy said, 'I raffled him off - I sold 500 tickets at £2 each and made
a profit of £998'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won, so I gave him his £2 back.'
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Davetech
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider
Davetech

Number of posts : 67
Age : 52
Location : Wiltshire, UK
Points : 547
Registration date : 2020-07-08

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 25, 2021 7:02 am

After years of trying, I've finally found my wife's G-spot. Can you believe her sister had it all along?! 😂
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Max Q
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 24
Location : Alexandria MN, Brownsville TX
Points : 1745
Registration date : 2017-02-09

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeSat Aug 28, 2021 4:11 pm

The Polite Way to Pee 💦
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" ☺
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' 😠
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😶
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. 😏
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? 😠
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.' 😳😳
The teacher fainted...😂😂
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Davetech
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider
Davetech

Number of posts : 67
Age : 52
Location : Wiltshire, UK
Points : 547
Registration date : 2020-07-08

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Sep 14, 2021 6:27 am

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Car11
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gustav
Maxi-Scooter Rider
Maxi-Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 137
Age : 69
Location : Davenport, Iowa
Points : 1082
Registration date : 2019-04-13

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Sep 14, 2021 6:14 pm

From "A Prairie Home Companion" Three potatoes are are standing on the corner. Which one is the prostitute?
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gustav
Maxi-Scooter Rider
Maxi-Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 137
Age : 69
Location : Davenport, Iowa
Points : 1082
Registration date : 2019-04-13

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Sep 14, 2021 6:15 pm

The one that says Idaho
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gustav
Maxi-Scooter Rider
Maxi-Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 137
Age : 69
Location : Davenport, Iowa
Points : 1082
Registration date : 2019-04-13

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Sep 14, 2021 6:16 pm

I apologize. Paul
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Mech 1 twa
Silver Wing Guru
Silver Wing Guru
Mech 1 twa

Number of posts : 1167
Location : Allentown PA.
Points : 3382
Registration date : 2016-01-02

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Sep 14, 2021 9:17 pm

Idaho  Tell us a joke - Page 2 Pot10
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Mech 1 twa
Silver Wing Guru
Silver Wing Guru
Mech 1 twa

Number of posts : 1167
Location : Allentown PA.
Points : 3382
Registration date : 2016-01-02

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tell us a joke   Tell us a joke - Page 2 I_icon_minitimeTue Sep 14, 2021 9:24 pm

Tell us a joke - Page 2 Oip10

Baked or peeled.  I like the skin.
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