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 Happy ******* Xmas !

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terrier
Super Scooter Rider
Super Scooter Rider
terrier

Number of posts : 255
Age : 71
Location : Northumberland, UK
Points : 2277
Registration date : 2015-08-12

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PostSubject: Happy ******* Xmas !   Happy ******* Xmas ! I_icon_minitimeFri 04 Dec 2020, 13:43

Just in case anyone is stressing about Christmas Day..............!
Here's my top tip for Christmas Dinner....


I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...



It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!!


The only difference is that you are allowed to open a bottle of wine before you open the kitchen curtains.

We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!


Here goes...

1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!

2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions, breadcrumbs, pine nuts and a **** load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if that's what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking .

3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one as well....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor anyone else I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to **** about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy

4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!

5. Roast potatoes... Yes, I par boil mine, then roast them in goose fat, but Aunt Bessie also does the same .

6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding - if Birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter/rum sauce, etc, or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)

7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine, leave 'em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed, send them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in peace!

Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry backside to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/sort the kids out/clear the table/wash up/dry up, etc.

And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET ****** AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over
Merry Christmas!

Dancing Santa Dancing Santa Dancing Santa
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MikeO
Site Admin
MikeO

Number of posts : 3380
Age : 71
Location : Seaham, Co Durham, UK
Points : 7822
Registration date : 2009-06-29

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PostSubject: Re: Happy ******* Xmas !   Happy ******* Xmas ! I_icon_minitimeFri 04 Dec 2020, 13:50

Brilliant!

I need bread sauce, though: packet of Coleman's and boiling water.
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Dale N.
Site Admin
Dale N.

Number of posts : 1619
Age : 74
Location : Princeton, MN
Points : 4276
Registration date : 2014-02-13

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PostSubject: Re: Happy ******* Xmas !   Happy ******* Xmas ! I_icon_minitimeFri 04 Dec 2020, 14:27

I like that. It sounds like common sense.
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Meldrew
Visiting Curmudgeon
Meldrew

Number of posts : 3592
Location : York, North Yorkshire, England UK
Points : 7411
Registration date : 2010-11-16

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PostSubject: Re: Happy ******* Xmas !   Happy ******* Xmas ! I_icon_minitimeFri 04 Dec 2020, 14:53

My sister sent me this on Messenger a couple of weeks ago and it makes a lot of sense. I'm still waiting for the post Boomer generation to get off their butts after dinner and help with the washing up.
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bikerboy
Silver Wing Rider
Silver Wing Rider


Number of posts : 400
Age : 77
Location : Leyland England
Points : 3969
Registration date : 2011-05-12

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PostSubject: Re: Happy ******* Xmas !   Happy ******* Xmas ! I_icon_minitimeSat 05 Dec 2020, 05:04

There will only be my wife and I for dinner thanks to Covid. It will be mostly frozen stuff as it's not worth all the bother of doing it the old fashioned way for just the two of us !
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GHM-PM
Site Admin
GHM-PM

Number of posts : 1896
Age : 68
Location : Bullhead City, AZ
Points : 5253
Registration date : 2012-05-17

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PostSubject: Re: Happy ******* Xmas !   Happy ******* Xmas ! I_icon_minitimeSat 05 Dec 2020, 07:08

We had a large gathering for Thanksgiving (shhh don't tell). My wife and I are hoping for a quiet Christmas. We shall see.  If the world wasn't cowering in fear we would be staying at a resort somewhere. santa
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Loosemarbles
Silver Wing Expert
Silver Wing Expert
Loosemarbles

Number of posts : 575
Location : South East England
Points : 2214
Registration date : 2016-10-01

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PostSubject: Re: Happy ******* Xmas !   Happy ******* Xmas ! I_icon_minitimeSat 05 Dec 2020, 10:53

Amen to that terrier. My cooking plans have always been based around the amount of washing up it will create. Pre-prepared food is my way at the moment, trouble is, I'm now destroying the planet with my colossal plastic waste....oh well...can't win 'em all!

I have a vague memory of somebody, somewhere, describing the end of the world as...

"...there was simply no more washing up to be done"
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PeteP
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 65
Location : New Mexico
Points : 218
Registration date : 2020-08-31

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PostSubject: Re: Happy ******* Xmas !   Happy ******* Xmas ! I_icon_minitimeSun 06 Dec 2020, 00:34

Christmas in New Mexico sure is different! We don’t make any stinking birds for Christmas! We have Posole (which is white hominy corn to you) a stew with pork oregano and crushed red Chile. Also served are tamales. The used to be made with the meat from the head of a pig and marinated in red chile. Masa (dough) made from corn meal would be spooned onto a dried corn husks, the marinated pork would be added and then rolled up and steamed. A pot of red chile is mandatory because it’s added to everything. And for dessert biscochitos anise flavored cookies or bread pudding. Now that’s what I call a meal!
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