This is the story of the blonde from Texas flying in a two-seater airplane with
just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a
May Day:

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is
dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is the
tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've
had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax.
Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'2" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father. . .
Who art in heaven..."

How about the one where a passenger calls up the tower with a Mayday call that the pilot has fallen ill. The tower asks if he can give them any useful info as to position, height and so on.

Passenger says "We are flying at 5000 feet, 200 knots, and the aircraft is upside down".

"How do you know all the info?" says the tower

"I read the instruments for the height and speed" says the passenger

"How do you know you are upside down?" say the tower

" 'Cos the s**t's running out of my collar!"