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 Retirement and Senility

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AuthorMessage
terrier
Super Scooter Rider
Super Scooter Rider
terrier

Number of posts : 226
Age : 70
Location : Northumberland, UK
Points : 1879
Registration date : 2015-08-12

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeFri Oct 25, 2019 9:08 am

Retirement

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite....

QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.


SENILITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
and have fun finding them.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that  make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same
noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my
shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune
to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
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oldwingguy
Silver Wing Guru
Silver Wing Guru


Number of posts : 1391
Location : Hocking Hills U.S.A.
Points : 3015
Registration date : 2016-01-29

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeFri Oct 25, 2019 10:25 am

Laughing you your old when ----------------- you hear a noise behind you while walking and turn around to look then realize it's another part that fell off.
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exavid
Silver Wing Guru
Silver Wing Guru


Number of posts : 2508
Age : 77
Location : Medford, Oregon
Points : 6486
Registration date : 2009-07-17

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeFri Oct 25, 2019 1:32 pm

It might also be that you've merely passed gas. Laughing

At my age I don't know whether to laugh of cry at that Retirement and Senility post. I was laughing at it then I forgot what it was all about and had to read it again... and again.

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oldwingguy
Silver Wing Guru
Silver Wing Guru


Number of posts : 1391
Location : Hocking Hills U.S.A.
Points : 3015
Registration date : 2016-01-29

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeFri Oct 25, 2019 7:50 pm

exavid wrote:
It might also be that you've merely passed gas. Laughing

At my age I don't know whether to laugh of cry at that Retirement and Senility post. I was laughing at it then I forgot what it was all about and had to read it again... and again.


Gas, oh no if that happens there are victims. Smile
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Hiyo
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 33
Location : East Central Illinois
Points : 130
Registration date : 2019-10-22

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeFri Jan 10, 2020 6:45 am

NEVEr trust a fart. Spell check said cart. Now I could blame the computer.


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Lenny
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 10
Location : Uk
Points : 148
Registration date : 2019-09-08

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeFri Jan 10, 2020 7:20 am

Coming up to 5 years retired and don't recognise any of the above 😂
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oldwingguy
Silver Wing Guru
Silver Wing Guru


Number of posts : 1391
Location : Hocking Hills U.S.A.
Points : 3015
Registration date : 2016-01-29

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeFri Jan 10, 2020 8:38 am

Give it time time tim ti t, boom and it's here Smile
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Osprey
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 86
Location : Northern NH
Points : 679
Registration date : 2018-06-30

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeFri Jan 10, 2020 12:43 pm

What would be the fun in growing old if laughter isn't part of the entire saga. bdaycake
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Dale N.
Site Admin
Dale N.

Number of posts : 1402
Age : 73
Location : Princeton, MN
Points : 3698
Registration date : 2014-02-13

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PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeSat Jan 11, 2020 11:26 pm

Are farts supposed to be lumpy? I sure hope so.
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Easyrider
Silver Wing Expert
Silver Wing Expert
Easyrider

Number of posts : 856
Age : 69
Location : HI
Points : 2424
Registration date : 2015-12-18

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeSun Jan 12, 2020 4:49 pm

Dale N. wrote:
Are farts supposed to be lumpy? I sure hope so.

Nope. Not supposed to be lumpy. If the odor does not go away, then you need to check. LOL 😀
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"Hi Yo"
Silver Wing Guru
Silver Wing Guru
Retirement and Senility 510-80

Number of posts : 2925
Age : 71
Location : Winnsboro, Texas, U.S.A.
Points : 6787
Registration date : 2010-02-17

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeSun Jan 12, 2020 11:05 pm

Dale N. wrote:
Are farts supposed to be lumpy? I sure hope so.



Did you mean "old farts and grumpy"?


I sure hope so and I am.





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Hiyo
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 33
Location : East Central Illinois
Points : 130
Registration date : 2019-10-22

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Viral solution   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 14, 2020 11:14 am

So I contracted this horrible cough and proceeded to the doctor for advice.
The doc proceeded to tell me that ExLax laxative was a great cure.
Confused, I asked "how would that work?" to which he replied " well after you take the ExLax you will most certainly be afraid to cough".😥💩
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Mech 1 twa
Silver Wing Expert
Silver Wing Expert
Mech 1 twa

Number of posts : 692
Location : Allentown PA.
Points : 2241
Registration date : 2016-01-02

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeTue Jan 14, 2020 8:04 pm

Don't sneeze either. Smile
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Loosemarbles
Touring Scooter Rider
Touring Scooter Rider
Loosemarbles

Number of posts : 364
Location : South East England
Points : 1612
Registration date : 2016-10-01

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeSat Jan 18, 2020 3:27 pm

When people ask me how old I am I always say 54. I'm 57 but 54 is always the answer which comes out, every time. It's true! Frankly, I don't care as long as I can keep on riding Shocked
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Hiyo
Scooter Rider
Scooter Rider


Number of posts : 33
Location : East Central Illinois
Points : 130
Registration date : 2019-10-22

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: When people ask me how old I am   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeSat Jan 18, 2020 6:38 pm

I always say my age (59) and I get a funny look, then I say but I hope to stay this way for the next 10 years.
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exavid
Silver Wing Guru
Silver Wing Guru


Number of posts : 2508
Age : 77
Location : Medford, Oregon
Points : 6486
Registration date : 2009-07-17

Retirement and Senility Empty
PostSubject: Re: Retirement and Senility   Retirement and Senility I_icon_minitimeSun Jan 19, 2020 12:34 am

Lotta young guys on this forum.
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